A Plan is Not a Plan if God Doesn’t Have a Hand…
Guest Post by Nadeige Fortune
I’m what you might call a Type-A personality; you know the super organized, calendar crazy, constant list making type. My life at one point had been planned down the minutiae, I knew what college I was going to right before senior year in HS, I guestimated when I’d meet “THE ONE” what age we’d get engaged and even down to when we’d start working on a baby. Knowing this all made sense to me, my dad once told me, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” That said, my plan was written and I wanted to speak it into existence, so it came as little surprise when one day he sauntered into my life on a hot and muggy Florida summer evening. It was kismet! We met right after I graduated college; at an after work happy hour mixer and I couldn’t imagine the timing to be any more perfect.
Kevin was tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, athletic and witty, I could go on but you get it… “Adonis-like”- Lawd this man was perfect. Up until then, I felt like I had done everything RIGHT and this was God bestowing upon me what I felt like was my future. So, losing my virginity to Kevin after dating for close to a year was a BIG deal. This was so, for a multitude of reasons, first off, I was a 22 year old virgin – an enigma, considering that I went to one of the biggest party schools in South Florida, University of Miami and secondly, this was my first (and hopefully my only) real adult relationship. No one could tell me I wasn’t grown. I loved that man with every fiber of my being giving my whole self to him while simultaneously and unknowingly losing parts of me.
Then irony began to settle in, and it seemed like the more I nurtured and progressed in my relationship with Kevin other aspects of my life began to falter. There was a period where the feeling of uneasiness was relentless; communication breakdowns were more frequent, affecting many of my relationships- professional, personal and especially spiritual. I started questioning many things, why was all this happening to me? Why do I feel so alone? Then reality hit, somewhere along the lines I believed in myself more than God. I suddenly carried the persona that I was the master of my destiny. That, because I spoke my wants into the universe it had come into fruition that God was a mere technicality that could, every so often be bypassed. I had never been more wrong in my life.
The moment I felt I had reached a pinnacle in my life, is when EVERYTHING came tumbling down. God was there to show me HE was boss and I was a pawn in HIS game called life. All the pieces of my meticulously put together life were somehow coming undone. Within a six-week span I lost my job and my man (you know, the guy who was to be part of all my tomorrows). THIS had to be the most challenging time in my 24 years of existence. The emptiness I felt once Kevin left felt bottomless and unending, calling it rough would be an understatement. I made this man my EVERYTHING, gave him the most sacred part of me and he managed to end our 20-month relationship with five simple words via text, “ I’m just not feeling this.” Suddenly, I had NO plan and was senselessly lost … This couldn’t be me, this wasn’t my life … I was that girl with a plan, ALWAYS. My calendar was no longer being maintained, my lists were nonexistent and I found comfort in chaos; I looked in the mirror and had no idea who was staring back at me.
I was mad at God for a very long time; I prayed and prayed hard. Realizing the error in my ways and realizing that indeed, without Him all is not possible. This wasn’t an overnight realization; this one took time, patience and a lot of reflection.
A mindfulness that is still working its way into fruition; what has changed however is my perspective on life, allowing myself to trust God wholly and with certainty. I now walk into situations asking God to be my navigator and to inspire me as He sees fit. That said, I have been able to reap the benefits of my new approach two-fold, communication has become more effective and a huge improvement to my confidence, something I felt I always lacked. During that tumultuous time, change was inevitable; I soon after found a job that tailored toward the career I truly desired and, to this day, continues to open many other doors of opportunity for me. I was foolish to think that I alone controlled my destiny.
God isn’t through with me yet, I can sincerely say I am a work in progress, and as with many relationships, it takes work, something I’m putting conscious effort toward. Never has this feeling ever felt so right, and although life has its many curveballs, trusting that I am not the sole person dictating the movements of my life has brought me closer to God. Opening a space in my heart that I never knew existed- THIS I find powerful.
In hindsight, my relationship with Kevin wasn’t ideal; I realized that once a person loses their self in a relationship it will almost always succumb to failure. That’s exactly what happened to me however, it became a life lesson; a good one at that. I truly believe that He knocked me down to build me back up, I bask in His grandeur.
Never compromise yourself anything and have accepted that a plan is not a plan if God doesn’t have a hand….
Nadeige Fortune is the self-proclaimed “Suze Orman of the ‘hood”, developing and facilitating programs which help under privileged youths and young adults understand the importance of responsible money management. Also a mentor with StreetWise Partners and BigsUnited, Nadeige seeks to motivate and help disadvantaged young adults on their professional development. Nadeige has a B.A in Psychology and Communications from Barry University and is currently employed at Weill Cornell Medical College of Cornell University in New York City.